so much as happened in my freshman year here at post. the good, the bad and the ugly. i cherished every moment of it. so many memories, and i've learned so much. i wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
i've been lazy and not wanting to blog, only because i just haven't been motivated to do so. but today, i will not be lazy and actually write something.
i'm actually really excited for next semester to come around and happen and see what it has in store for me. honestly, i never really thought that i would love the college experience so much.. anyway, so i'm listening to "Thunder" by Boys Like Girls, and i'm still totally in love with the song, even though it came out last summer. the lyrics remind me so much about this one particular person and everything we went through... as much as i loved him, it's time for me to really let go (not like i haven't already) for some reason, i've been catching myself thinking about him more lately while i'm thinking about the new person thats been in my life for the past couple of weeks. i mean they're both wonderful men, but just that i'm the type to compare and contrast. and for some reason, one night, i was walking back to my building, with tequila lingering in my veins, i caught myself thinking about the time i was hysterically crying to him spilling out all the insecurities i had for my freshman year. i was terrified of living alone, not having my mom or grandma taking care of me, cleaning up after me. but i realized that i was scared for nothing and i was totally fine my first year in. i just ended up laughing to myself and proceeded on with the rest of my night.
that night was alright, but i wish it was better. but honestly, i wouldn't have asked for more. laying next to the person you actually like spending your time with and actually feeling happy for once. yeah, i still have my insecurities with him but, what can i do. at this moment, i don't really go in head first anymore. i can't go into a relationship (not boyfriend-girlfriend wise) with expectations and then getting disappointed. i'd rather be surprised as to what the person's next action is rather then, "okay, next i want him too.." going into any relationship with anyone like that just destroys yourself causing more pain on yourself then anyone else. i'm just saying...
wow, this is the first time i'm actually talking about him with real feelings attached, oh shit. haha, i mean yeah, sometimes i get caught up in the moment, thinking about him sometimes, but i really don't wanna get hurt again. that seriously is the last thing i want to do to myself.
okay, i really need to get some sleep. it's 4:01am and i have work in abouttttt 5 hours. fun!
xx.
**btw, this entry was written in may. idk why it say's april. oh well!**
